Monday, April 04, 2005
HEEEEEELPPP!!!! I'M ALIIIIIIIIVE!!!!!
So, I was just lying in bed considering the consequences of waking up from a coma to find myself locked in a coffin six feet under the ground, and now I'm too terrified to go to sleep, in the event I may fall into a coma and be mistaken for being dead. However, I have thought of several ways in which to avoid this unfortunate scenario:
1. Cremation. Quicker. And slightly warmer.
2. Request a major artery be cut at death, much like what some person, possibly Hans Christian Anderson, wanted.
3. Have a large crypt and make sure the lid is loose (G-Money's typically ostentatious solution).
4. Become an organ donor. Make sure they take out every possible organ. You can't function without a heart and lungs, can you? Better take the kidneys just to make sure. I'd give you my retinas, but they're already fucked.
5. Don't go to sleep. The internet is a fascinating place after dark.
6. Become immortal. Alternatively, don't give up your mortality just so you can hook up with Aragorn, however appealing that may be.
So, if I happen to die in the night, please make sure they read my driver's licence and tell them they're free to take whatever organs they desire. They can drain me of blood too - they're always going on about needing more blood. And make sure I'm cremated. Ashes can be made into diamonds, you know.
I'm quite serious about this. I'm really scared. I'm also pathetic and unreasonable, but hey.
P.S. Congratulations on your recent acquisitions, Mary. The Game of Life kicks arse.
So, I was just lying in bed considering the consequences of waking up from a coma to find myself locked in a coffin six feet under the ground, and now I'm too terrified to go to sleep, in the event I may fall into a coma and be mistaken for being dead. However, I have thought of several ways in which to avoid this unfortunate scenario:
1. Cremation. Quicker. And slightly warmer.
2. Request a major artery be cut at death, much like what some person, possibly Hans Christian Anderson, wanted.
3. Have a large crypt and make sure the lid is loose (G-Money's typically ostentatious solution).
4. Become an organ donor. Make sure they take out every possible organ. You can't function without a heart and lungs, can you? Better take the kidneys just to make sure. I'd give you my retinas, but they're already fucked.
5. Don't go to sleep. The internet is a fascinating place after dark.
6. Become immortal. Alternatively, don't give up your mortality just so you can hook up with Aragorn, however appealing that may be.
So, if I happen to die in the night, please make sure they read my driver's licence and tell them they're free to take whatever organs they desire. They can drain me of blood too - they're always going on about needing more blood. And make sure I'm cremated. Ashes can be made into diamonds, you know.
I'm quite serious about this. I'm really scared. I'm also pathetic and unreasonable, but hey.
P.S. Congratulations on your recent acquisitions, Mary. The Game of Life kicks arse.
